So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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