DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
