umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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