i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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