4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
