maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
