Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i out mim tonsoeep
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
