It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
These tits shall not be calmed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
