so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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