Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
