Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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