Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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