THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
please come you make the beer taste better
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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