soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
