we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
