if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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