make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
