my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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