My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
