Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
