It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
