Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
