God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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