why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
