Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
