I cockslap morals
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
