I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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