She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
