I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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