She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
