On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
