Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
