Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
