hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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