I like my sex mixed with concussions.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
