areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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