a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
