just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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