I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
