1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
