Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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