Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
