You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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