You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
