in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
