sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
