She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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