when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
