I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize