When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
