I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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