conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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