I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
