I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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