remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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