Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"

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(309): View more from Illinois

"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab

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(708): View more from Illinois

I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.

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(219): View more from Indiana

This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup

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(740): View more from Ohio

You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt

(607): View more from New York

Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...

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(727): View more from Florida

Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.

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