Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
