Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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