You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.