I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
