Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
