yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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