Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together