I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
