well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
