im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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