When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
