My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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