Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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