Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I want is dick and wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
