I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
