this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
