Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
