Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
