So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
