Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
